I’ve always considered myself a people pleaser, but I had always thought it was more of an internal desire rather than something that was apparent to other people until my friend brought it to my attention today. Is there a problem with people pleasing? I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want acceptance and for people to like you, but I think there is a way to take it too far, which I probably do sometimes. I also think it depends on the person you are trying to please, and how you are trying to please them.
For example, going out of your way to please people who have no genuine interest in you as a person would be considered taking it too far. Don’t misunderstand though, there is a fine line between people pleasing and just being nice to people for the sake of being a good person. No matter how shitty other people are to you, it still doesn’t condone being shitty back to them, or at least in my opinion. I say just always be nice and genuine, and other people will feel stupid for not returning the sincerity. They may not ever express that they know they’re in the wrong, but deep down they’ll feel guilty for being rude to someone who’s never been rude to them.
It’s true that “you can’t please everyone”. It’s hard to accept for a people pleaser like myself, but your personality can’t be compatible with everyone. And if you think it is, there are still people you enjoy spending time with over others. But in reality, to actually please everyone, you would have to change your personality depending on who you’re with, and in that case, everyone doesn’t like YOU, they like what you’re acting like, and after a while, acting different than yourself gets tiring and is not fulfilling.
So to summarize, put yourself out there in the most genuine form you can manage and those who respond positively are going to be the people you want in your life. Don’t waste your life forcing yourself on people who don’t appreciate you when there are others who do.
- philososam posted this